It feels like my heart is breaking all over again.
One day shy of losing my Binx one year ago, I have found out I may have to go through that pain all over again.
Today started out bright, sunny, and assuring myself that my cat Pepper’s vet appointment would go smoothly.
It wasn’t supposed to be anything serious; she would be going in to scrape out the polyps in her ear, receive some strong medication, and wear the Cone of Shame for three to four weeks.
And yet, Fate seems to love lobbing grapefruit-sized curveballs at my head.
Just before noon, I received a call from Dr. Packard. (On a side note, this doctor is one of the best veterinarians I have ever met! I cannot sing her praises enough! If I could, I would marry this woman! But I’m straight and I’m pretty sure she’s married. Lucky Bastard of a husband!)
Dr. Packard told me that her kidney levels were a little high, but we had already expected that and had Pepper and her sisters on Kidney Care dry kibble.
She then took a breath, waited a heartbeat, and told me that during the normal x-ray procedure they do to double check everything… they found something surprising.
They found a tumor near Pepper’s lungs and heart.
My brain couldn’t wrap around the information Dr. Packard was telling me. It could only focus on the next step: Prednisone, antibiotics, and hoping that the tumor shrinks. If it doesn’t, then we could either go the chemo route, or get a referral to a specialist down in Portland for treatment.
Now that I’ve had time to fully digest the information, I can honestly tell you all that I am distraught. I’ve been crying off and on for the past 2 1/2 hours, my heart hurts, and it feels like the whole world is falling out from beneath my feet.
I know this is part of life. I know she’s old –15 years! — but I’ve had this cat since the summer before high school. She’s one of the last two of my childhood cats. (I don’t normally include Spooky, mostly because we found her the week before Halloween in my senior year, but it is still technically my childhood, right?) She’s the one who chose me, not the other way around. She wouldn’t pay any attention to the other kids who were volunteering at the humane society the same time I was. There was even this one little boy who wanted her to pay attention to him, but she just turned around and refused to even acknowledge him. When it was my turn, she immediately leapt up, jumped into my arms before I could even get the door open, and purred away into my ear.
I thought I was not okay when Binx passed. I can tell you I will definitely not be okay when my Pepper goes.
I guess all I can do now is hope and pray that the medications work, and I’ll get to keep her for another couple years.
L.J. LaBree 