Next on the Agenda!
I’m still working at MIT, but unlike my previous position, which was temporary, I’m in a more permanent position!
You’re looking at the new Administrative Assistant II for the Space Research Department! It’s more than fantastic – it’s a breath of fresh air I didn’t realize I went without for so long! The team I work with is wonderful! Not to mention, they all take healthy work/office boundaries to heart. The work is keeping me busy, especially since classes started back up a couple weeks ago.
I’m still writing, though not as much as I would like. I’m currently working on short stories and supplying those to writing contests to keep my skills in somewhat decent shape. Plus, I’ve been taking workshop classes one of my bosses has introduced me to! Even if I don’t learn anything new from these workshops (which is impossible – there’s always something, even miniscule, to learn from) it’s still good to talk with others who are both new to the craft, and who are seasoned veterans.
I’ve also been reading a lot more self-help books too.
I’ve been experiencing some major burn-out symptoms – lack of interest in hobbies, constant fatigue, bouts of insomnia, and some major bouts of sadness and depression. I haven’t quite found a way to incorporate seeing a therapist into my schedule yet, (I know I know, it really should be something I need to do) but it is on my list of things to do! I promise. For now, I’m hoping the self-help books will at least alleviate some of the symptoms hindering me from moving forward.
It isn’t easy, as I’m sure plenty of you would agree, but at least I’m trying to get my emotions and mental health under control. Some days it feels as though I have this black veil swirling around inside my head, preventing my thoughts from collecting and organizing themselves. I can’t think about writing down the scenes that used to play out across the screen on the other side of my forehead. Nor can I even attempt to carve out characters and paint places within my mind to save my life. On those days, it’s a struggle to even focus on my job.
But, ever since I’ve started doubling down on reading self-help books, such as Burnout by Emily and Amelia Nagoski (sisters – Emily holds a PhD in Health Behavior with a concentration in human sexuality, while her Amelia holds a DMA ) and Maybe You Should Talk to Someone, by Lori Gottlieb, I’ve been using the tricks I’ve learned to help create the ladder out of this gross hole in the ground.
What sort of tricks have I been doing? You may ask? One way is recognizing that our bodies go through a cycle whenever we are presented with a situation – whether it be a problem with work, the home, family, whatever. It’s part of that ancient fight or flight response we have in ourselves, just like a rabbit being hunted by a hawk. Problem is, now-a-days we are expected to squash that response the moment we are presented with a stressful situation and become calm, cool, and collected. To prevent burnout, you have to complete the fight or flight response. It’s the only way to help prevent your brain from frying itself with so much stress.
I’ve been going for walks during my lunch break, sitting in small 10 minute meditation sessions, and just recently signed up for a walking challenge with MIT. It’s just a few small steps, but I’ve found these have been helping a lot better than doing nothing at all.
Another way I’ve been trying to complete the cycle is to listen to hypnosis meditations while in bed at night. I’ve found the days I partake in these sessions, I sleep better than the nights I didn’t listen.
Although things would work even better if I signed up with a licensed therapist, I unfortunately don’t have the funds to take care of that just yet. There are too many other things that require my attention. One of those infernal headache beings is the constant depressive black cloud that is student loans. I’m not out of the woods yet with them, but I’m in somewhat more of a stable place than I was around this time last year.
There are days where I find myself wishing I had never gone to college. I’m not proud of those days. I know I’m supposed to acknowledge those days exist, but I truly don’t want to.
Going to college helped me more than hindering me with debt and collectors calling me every other hour. If I hadn’t, then I wouldn’t have met any of the people I have in my life today. I wouldn’t have learned the lessons I needed, and I wouldn’t have gained the experience I earned, allowing me to get to where I am.
Yes, I’m under a mountain of debt. And yes, I’m going to be under that mountain for the foreseeable future. But one of the most important things about life I’ve come to learn: situations, along with things and people, change over time. Nothing stays the same for long. It’s just like the seasons – they change every few months. So do we, as do our lives.
Who I was last year is not the same person I am today. Nor will I be the same person one year from now, or even in 6 months. Good things will happen, and so will the bad. It’s how I respond to both of those, and all the things in between, that will make or break me. It will work out – maybe not the way I initially wanted it to, but the end goal will still be the same.
There will come a day where I’m not just surviving anymore. I’ll be living.
I’m looking forward to that 🙂
L.J. LaBree 