Category: Thought of the Day

Hello everyone!

It’s been a hot minute since my last post. There’re a few things that are different now, so I’m going to be making several smaller posts. 

First thing’s first – I moved… again.

One of my roommates, Jazz, and I moved over to Arlington together. It isn’t too far away from my job, nor from his, but it can get a bit frustrating when your supposed half hour drive turns into over an hour by 8am. The bathroom is also a bit weird. The toilet is sandwiched between the sink and the wall as though it was put there as an “oopsie, we forgot something important” afterthought. 

Still, the apartment we have is actually pretty great! It’s a nice two bedroom apartment house with only one other apartment above ours. We get two parking spots off-street included, water included, washer and dryer hook-ups, and we’re allowed to have our pets with us! I’ll take the long drive to the office every morning and weird bathroom shape to keep this place for a while. 

Plus, instead of having a third roommate who seemed to think he should’ve had full control over the communal areas, i.e. living room, kitchen, porch, etc, and not even like the idea of using the kitchen table and chairs without his permission (don’t even get me started on this!)  it’s just the two of us living in peace and quiet. We actually enjoy each other’s company, plus we trust another to take care of our pets together. We have routines (at least, some semblance of a routine) that cohabit harmoniously, and we don’t feel as though we need to explain ourselves every time we want to use the kitchen, living room, dining room, etc. 

We even have better dining room furniture. Though, it has been hard to break the habit of sitting on my bed and eating my breakfast there instead of the table like a normal person. Even harder to break that habit of your cat demanding to eat her breakfast in your bedroom instead of a nice safe little eating nook you created for her. Still, it’s there if we ever feel compelled to attempt normal eating habits. 

I know it’s too early to say this, and I don’t want to create any Cosmic/Celestial Chaos fodder, but I truly would like to stay in this apartment for at least two years, maybe three. Ever since I moved to Massachusetts back in October 2020, I’ve noticed I’ve never lived in a place for more than one year. I lived in Medford from October ‘20 to June ‘21 because of unruly (and downright dangerous) roommates, lived in Cambridge until July ‘22, and now I’m living here. I still haven’t even unpacked fully yet, somehow deep down expecting some sort of outside force snickering in the dark and telling me I can’t live here anymore. 

I hate moving. It disrupts my work flow, my home flow, and my personal flow. It means having to put extra energy in finding a place that is not only safe for me, but safe for Spooky too. It’s a dream of mine to have a house of my own, some place that isn’t too far away from MIT, yet is someplace where I can be surrounded by nature. Some place where I won’t be forced to move away and find a brand new place to hang my shower towel every twelve months. I feel the most at peace when I’m in nature. It’s where life makes sense. I realize now that the stable environment I had growing up, not having to move around constantly and take special care of my still-developing roots, was truly a blessing. 

I get wanting to travel the world and see how beautiful and enchanting everything is. I get the feeling of being bitten by the Wanderlust Bug and having that urge to explore this ever-changing world we live in. But I also want to have a home to come back to. A place where I can call my base, my sacred space, my sanctuary. 

I say all the more power to those who want to live in a van all the time. If you’ve got the mentality for it, I say go for it! That isn’t me though. I need a place to put my stuff and a place where I can sleep and not have half of my body be on constant alert. 

I’m hoping, and praying, that I’m able to push myself forward and actually take the steps to make my way toward that dream home of mine in the next couple years. If I can just change the mentality of “I’m jinxing myself” to “I’m manifesting that home into reality”, then it’ll all work itself out. 

It has to, right?

Hi Everyone!

It’s been a few days since New Year’s Eve, but I wanted to wish you all a Happy New Year!

Last year was… well… in my opinion it was exhausting. It was frustrating at times too. But it was also a year of lessons.

I couldn’t possibly know what your lessons were, but I’m more than happy to share some of mine. One lesson I needed to learn, or reminded of, was to remember my self worth. Over the years, and spending those years with bad bosses or bad coworkers, (or sometimes both at once) made me forget some of the accomplishments I’ve made in the past. I forgot what I was capable of, and almost forgot how strong I can be.

But with the bad, comes the good. The family who stayed by my side, and the friends who stayed and came into my life, reminded me just how awesome I am. How awesome we all are, once we remember who we are meant to be. And sometimes, it’s as simple as knowing you’re kind. Or smart. Or brave.

Another lesson I needed to re-learn was patience. Growing up, I admittedly never really had a whole lot of it. And it doesn’t necessarily help that we’re living in a society where instant gratification is all the rage these days. We want things – happy and good things/events/people – to happen as soon as possible. We want them to happen now. I know I’ve wanted the good things to happen ASAP.

But, the world doesn’t work like that. I had a shower thought the other day – when we focus too much on the destination, we forget to observe the journey. It’s like planting a seed. You can’t plant one and expect a flower to show up the very next day. You wait and observe as the seed germinates, comes out of the shell, puts down roots, then comes up through the soil and out into the sunlight. It isn’t easy to wait. Believe me, I know! That being said, I can only imagine all the good experiences I’ll get to have once I stop, take a deep breath, and watch my surroundings.

To be honest, I’m hopeful for 2022. Realistically, the year will most likely have some issues we still need to work out. The clock doesn’t strike twelve and suddenly all our problems are solved. It’s gonna take some work. But, I am hopeful this new year is going to bring us some new light. And more importantly, new opportunities.

I wish you all a Happy, and a hopeful, new year.

Hi All!

A lot has happened since my last post. A lot…

I know where I want to begin: I no longer work as a Property Assistant for a housing complex company.

THAT was quite possibly one of the worst jobs I’ve had to date.

The job itself wasn’t bad! Quite contrary — I enjoyed helping people find homes in the apartments I showed them. It was the boss I had that made the job not worth the paycheck. Every day, I would have to deal with either verbal, emotional, or on the rare occasion physical abuse, or deal with her belief that everything bad to ever happen to her was someone else’s fault and thinly racist veiled entitlement to anything good. If you want to see a small glance into what I mean, see the story I submitted to Reedsy.com here.

But I don’t want to bash her. Would I feel better about it? Sure, who doesn’t like to vent their anger about those who hurt others because of their own misery. But then, that would make me no better than her. And I know I would be shaming my parents, grandparents, family and friends if I lowered myself to her level.

I choose to look forward in this life. I don’t want to look back to my past unless it’s to remember the love and fun I had in my life, as well as the reasons why I will myself to get up everyday and try my best to achieve my dreams and hopes.

I currently work as a temp Administrative Assistant for a well known college. No, I won’t tell you the name of said college… yet. I’m trying to find a more permanent position with this college, so I don’t want to jinx anything. I’m just thankful they were willing to give me a temporary job and learn what they have to teach me.

I’m still writing, too. While I can’t divulge in what exactly I’m working on, I can tell you it feels good to play with words again. I can almost imagine this is how a potter feels when they pick up that wet block of clay again after months of abstaining from the craft. Even if nothing ‘productive’ comes from moving the wet squishy material through their fingers, it’s still satisfying to play and relearn the craft.

Of course, I could tell you what I’m working on. But I don’t want to. You’ll just have to stay tuned!

I’m getting away from the original reason why I’m writing this post; this year has not been easy. I’ll be one of the first people to point that statement out and go ‘Duh!‘. Yet, I look back to the same time last year, and I can’t even believe how different things have become, and how so much has changed.

This time last year, I was still getting used to living in a new state — not as a student where going home after a semester was always something to look forward to, but as an adult moving away from home looking for work. I was living in an apartment with six other people, all who were complete strangers and had no qualms in keeping their distance from one another. I had to stay away from home that Thanksgiving because Covid cases were high, and I was working the next day. My room was freezing, and I felt my sanity slowly leaking away into the chasm of despair and depression. I was seriously questioning my thought process in moving away from home with very little money, no job lined up, and my self-esteem dwindling with each day. It wasn’t a pretty picture. The only thing keeping me together was the hope something better would come along.

Today, I’m working for a college and loving every moment of it. I’m living with just two roommates instead of six, one of whom has become a close friend. I also have one of my cats with me, giving me someone to look forward to when I come home from work. Life isn’t where I want it to be yet, but I am so thankful of where I am today. I’m thankful I stuck to my gut and stayed in Boston, knowing I could do better. Be better. I’m where I am today because I didn’t give up, though there were many days where I wanted to.

I am thankful for the possibility of tomorrow, of what Lady Fate and Lady Destiny are planning for me. I am thankful of knowing when I wake up tomorrow morning, there’s a whole new day, a whole new start, and a whole new possibility waiting for me.

As frustrating as 2021 has been, I am thankful of the lessons she has taught me.

So tell me, what are you thankful for?

I can’t be sure when I needed hearing aids, but I’m pretty sure the problems started around mid to late college.

Though, now that I think about it, there were some times throughout high school where I couldn’t hear what the teachers were saying with their back turned toward the class. But then again, I have always attributed that to practically giving up and not giving a damn anymore.

But that’s a different story for another time.

A few years ago, my father’s audiologist (hearing doctor) told me I needed to get hearing aids for both ears. If not both, then the left ear for sure.

Problem was, the insurance company I had at the time believed there was no need for me to have these “aids” as they called them, since I was in my mid 20’s. And since I was so young, I was told there was no possible way I would ever need them.

Because I was paying about 80% of my paycheck to my student loans, and the rest toward gas, there was no way for me to possibly pay for them out of pocket. And asking my parents for help was out of the question, since they were already helping me with cosigning loans, taking on two of them to ease my wallet, and letting me live under their roof without helping to pay for any utilities.

Before you call me entitled, I have already tried offering to pay for rent and utilities many, many times. And each time they vehemently refused. We ended up coming with a way for me to help without actually having to fork over any money — help around the house and go grocery shopping for Mom.

Now that I’m living on my own and have “better” insurance (at least I was told it was better — the company I currently work for is paying for it), I decided it was high time I have my ears tested again.

And boy do I need hearing aids!

Once again, my insurance company representative told me that unless I was under the age of 21, they couldn’t help me pay for even a penny of my aids.

This time, though, I wouldn’t take no for an answer.

I talked with my audiologist’s secretary, and she helped me sign up for credit to pay for not one, but both hearing aids.

It’ll be yet another loan, but I was told it would be worth it.

I walked into my audiologist’s office on Friday afternoon to have the aids fitted and tested. He walked me through every button, every mode, and even the payment plan I had selected, making sure I understood everything I would be working with.

I didn’t even realize just how muffled my world was until I walked out of his office.

It was as if Sound itself was exploding all over me, covering me in every ping, twang, and swish known to humankind. In hindsight, I probably should have waited to wear them when I got home. Why? because I couldn’t stop looking all around me, windows rolled all the way down, as I experienced city noise for the first time. I practically ran into my apartment and bounced all around my roommates, excitedly gibbering like a squirrel about everything that was going on.

I spent the next day constantly texting my father, who also wears hearing aids (and has worn them for my entire life) if things really did sound the way they did for him as well.

It kind of makes me wonder what else I’ve missed out on these past few years.

I can’t wait to go on a nature walk! Think of all the birds I’ll be able to hear!!